xx So...this is my mind!! xx

24 April 2009 @ 10:46 am

I've failed so much since christmas. then this morning, I ate toast (white bread!!) and a cream egg, im thinking wtf has happened. NEED to get back on track.
The rest of my life is starting to sort its self out, and now the rest of my needs to.
Giving up most carbs today. well starting now. I know it doesnt make sense with what i've already eaten. but if I say starting tomorrow... it wont happen. Im determined to loose at least 20lbs before august. I will hopefully loose so much more, as 5lbs a month isnt a lot. But I fail so much all the time, and with exams Im gona wana comfort eat. DONT WANA GIVE IN THOUGH!

Plan:
breakfast - 1 piece of plain brown toast and black coffee ((my only carbs for the day))
Lunch - salad / fruit salad/ soup/ yoghurts etc.
dinner - not reali sure.

If anyone has any carb free recipes they wana share, would appreciate it. ((for any meal of the day))

ily xx

Tags: carbs, chocolatte, christmas

Current Location: home

Current Mood:

cream eggs are evil!

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10 December 2008 @ 11:26 am

(no subject)

Im actualli in shock right now,
so annoyed and sooo uninspired right now. I need more thinspo.
Would you believe that, say 3 weeks ago i could be at school type in thinspo and loads would come up. Now... they are all blocked. Writing to my journal on here is the best connection with you that I have.
Now its purely will power that is going to get me through this.

There were some sites that werent blocked. Such as: http://themedium.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/04/30/the-girls-of-thinspo/

I think you should read this.

be strong girlies.
Think thin.

xx

Tags: proana, thinspo, websites

Current Mood:

grrrr

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05 December 2008 @ 04:09 pm

(no subject)

Oh my, Oh my!! ....I have such good news to tell.

I don't know if you'll remember but i've never been very good at proper fasting. I could do the one meal a day type one, but dinner had always been a problem... Well girlies. I did it. 4 whole days i fasted for. YAY.
Nothing at all. Well i didnt fast on the drinks, and i admit that i did have things like milk and coke etc. But the week just gone, I have been in barcelona, on a spanish A-Level trip. It has been amazing.
I managed to fast for the whole trip. Sure some people noticed that i wasnt eating much... yes much.. they still thought i was eating though. OMG soooo happy. I lost quite a bit of weight too. I don't know how much, becus i havent weighed myself yet. Due to batteries low in our stupid scales. But the jeans I wore on the way out there are loose around my legs. And the first thing that my stepdad said to me when i got home was that i looked like i had lost weight.

There is a low moment to this post though - that is that I kind of binged when i got home. Mum cooked me dinner. Obvi i had to eat it, otherwise she would have clicked that I am thin becus i havent been eating. And then having the taste of food in my mouth made me want more of it.

Not eating again today, Going to the cinema later with some freinds, which gets me out of dinner... tomorrow is going to be hard.

Think thin skinnies. xxxx

Current Location: School

Current Mood:

Weight loss is happening!!

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10 October 2008 @ 11:43 pm

(no subject)

Ok so after being a complete twat and eating soo much tonight, decided that i would join a mate and do a 10 day fast.
My stats atm are soo bad, im not even gona post them on here. Lets just say if u didnt read the post i left before, i am not a stone heavier than what i thought i was, as i have realised that my scales have been lying to me this whole time. :( Not good.

How is everyone atm then??

Missing my everyday readings. stupid laptop.. I need it fixed!!!

xx

Current Location: home

Current Mood:

FAT

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22 September 2008 @ 11:08 am

(no subject)

On Friday I did it. Woo self control is back. I managed a whole day fast. it followed on through untill about 5pm on saturday.

Realistically I failed though, as i was planning to fast on saturday aswell, But my mum baing the kind caring generous mother that she thinks she is being, took us out for dinner between my shifts at work. I ended up having pizza. Yuk Yuk. Then saturday night being carnival where i live, we went to the fair, drank and ate crap. which sux. And on top of all that i am feeling sooo ill. I guess i can use that to my advantage later on this week.
Then sunday ate like a normal person, breakfast, lunch, dinner that sorta thing.

Today though. New day - New fast. Gona fast till the end of the week. Need to do it. Never lasted that long before. I have poor self control, and if i can do it, i will be soooo happy. =]

((decided that i will eat at weekends, only dinner though, as constantly with my parents))

Good luck skinnies.

((p.s, i posted this in my journal instead of on the forum, as its blocked at school, which btw is where i am))

Current Location: School. blergh

Current Mood:

Kinda ill.

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15 June 2008 @ 01:30 am

(no subject)

June 2008... It's weird.

It was 3 years ago this month that I started cutting. and 11months now that I have had mia. 9 months being veggie.

Gona try and stay on track this whole summer. Exams are over. No need for "brain food" as my mum called it. I can focus on my body and try and get rid of as much of it as I can!

My life is pretty messed up and fucked over with atm. Just stuff with my dad, with my friends, school, eating, guys, etc. Its screwing with my head.

I need a decent cry!

xx

Current Location: My bed. aha

Current Mood:

confused

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08 May 2008 @ 02:27 am

(no subject)

Well... not much has changed I am still that same old fatty of 156lbs.... eurgggh...!!

I am determined to be a size 10 at least by the summer. I just want to loose loads of weight. I go on study leave on Friday... omg.. thats like tomorrow. Weird. My last day of year 11. My life has gone so quickly.

Study leave is going to be like 4 months of summer and sun. Along with an endless exercise routine, gym trips, diet plans, and squezzing in some revision when I can... lol. I am soo determined to go back in september as someone who is skinny and pretty. I don't want to be the same person anymore. I want to be able to lie on the beach in a bikini and not think omg, my thighs are huge, my stomach makes me look pregnant. If i can, i wana be loads smaller than size 10, like an 8/6 or 4.... lushous... but I need to realistic for now...

( Thinspo )

Current Location: Homeeeee

Current Mood:

tired

Current Music: Welcome to Chicago - Kill Hannah

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22 April 2008 @ 08:52 am

(no subject)

Easter holidays have just finished. I put on so much weight. Not as much as my highest weight. But close.

Day 1 of fast. SO far 12 hours. I am so determinded. I have never been so looking forward to a fast the whole time I ahve had Mia. The prom is on saturday, I am going to look sooo huge if this fast doesnt work.... argh. :(

Its so depressing. But am soo determined. Only 84 more hours to go.

Current Location: School...zzZZ

Current Mood:

determined

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23 January 2008 @ 05:04 pm

(no subject)

4lbs more and then i have reached my Stg of 150lbs, and even that is fucking huge. Excuse my french.

In august i was like 169/170 lbs. and now i am 154. I mean ok... thats not that great a loss but i've only really been doing all this wanting to loose the weight buisness for like a month or 2.

I'll tell you whats really annoying though, I cant seem to get to my STG. I get to 152lbs then go straight back up to 154 and stay there for like ever. This morning i was 154. and i ate so much yesterday, if I hadn't then i reckon i would be a lot closer than what i am now.

Good luck ppl.

xxxxx

Current Location: School... I know.. I need a life.

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19 December 2007 @ 10:36 pm

(no subject)

http://www.colonzone.org/salt-water-flush.php

The salt water flush =]

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19 December 2007 @ 10:27 pm

(no subject)

Negative Calorie foods do exist!!!

asparagus

broccoli

green cabbage

carrot

cauliflower

celery root

celery chicory

hot chilli peppers

cucumber

dandelion

endive

garden cress

garlic

green beans

zucchini

apple

cranberries

grapefruit

lemon

mango

orange

pineapple

raspberries

strawberries

tangerine

lambs lettuce

lettuce

onion

papaya

radishes

spinach

turnip

Eat them up and u'll burn more than what they had in them.

Current Location: Home

Current Mood:

determined

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16 November 2007 @ 01:16 pm

ABC!!!

Have started the ABC diet today. So here goes:

day 1: 500 calories
day 2: 500 calories
3: 300 calories
4: 400 calories
5: 100 calories
6: 200 calories
7: 300 calories
8: 400 calories
9: 500 calories
10: fast
11: 150 calories
12: 200 calories
13: 400 calories
14: 350 calories
15: 250 calories
16: 200 calories
17: fast
18: 200 calories
19: 100 calories
20: fast
21: 300 calories
22: 250 calories
23: 200 calories
24: 150 calories
25: 100 calories
26: 50 calories
27: 100 calories
28: 200 calories
29: 200 calories
30: 300 calories
31: 800
32: fast
33: 250 calories
34: 350 calories
35: 450 calories
36: fast
37: 500 calories
38: 450 calories
39: 400 calories
40: 350 calories
41: 300 calories
42: 250 calories
43: 200 calories
44: 200 calories
45: 250 calories
46: 200 calories
47: 300 calories
48: 200 calories
49: 150 calories
50: fast
**Plus at least an hours exercise a day burning anything from 400-1000 calories

Current Location: School.

Current Mood:

determined

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25 October 2007 @ 08:01 pm

what do i do?

A couple weeks back i went on a spanish trip and now my teacher knows about my eating problems. I really need to loose the weigt. But at scool, she checks to see if i've eaten at lunch. She tries to tell me its not good, but i don't listen. I don't want to listen. She has told my head of year. Saying that it was a slight concern. But it hasnt gone any futher. I'm glad. If my mum new that I wasn't eating and that I went on this site then I would e banned from using the net and foreced to eat. Shwe wouldn't understand that forcing me would make me worse. And frankly i dnt want to be any better.
I Have shool again on monday - it's halfternm. I have spanish with that teaher. The last time we saw each other she was all like "oh its not good...blah,blah,blah" What do u think she will say to me?

Please comment. I need reasurrance that she won't kick up a fuss. I will loose i otherwise. I promise!!! :(

Tags: eating, teacher

Current Mood:

Wot do I do?

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25 October 2007 @ 10:27 am

(no subject)

My dads, girlfriend got drunk and accused my dad of beating her up. He didn't and I know he wouldn't even hurt a fly, but she got the police involved. He could have been arrested that night. I wasn't there thankgod, but my brother was. I hate her for doing, especially infront of my brother. They split up after this but only for a couple of days. I have always disliked my dads partner, She is so negative always putting me down, making me unhappy about my family, my appearance, my weight, my friends. Anything she can make me miserable about really. I have never said anything to y dad, as I didn't want to hurt him.

I self harm, and I reckon that she has a lot to do with all that, everytime I come back from my dad house I am negative, stressy, short tempered and so all my problems seem ten times worse than what they really are. But since that night she got drunk, I have made a point to stay away from her, I am so much happier. I really don't want to see her again. She has accused my dad of beating her up twice. He never had. And whilst they were apart for those few days, I told my dad how miserable she made me, and he said the same sort of things. The impression I got from him, was that he was only with her, because he didn't think anyone else would take him on, and that he didnt want to be lonely. He got back with her, after all me and my brother said about her. He tried to make us give her a second chance, In my opinion, she has already had many chances. My brother gave in.

I told my dad, that I didnt want to be with someone that made me unhappy, caused me to be depressed and stressed. He just brushed me off, telling me my reasons were not good enough - that I was being unreasonable. How is that unreasonable? How is not wanting to be miserable being unreasonable. You know what...I hate him for saying that and I am starting to think maybe its better off if I don't see him either.

-xx-

Tags: dad, drink, misery, stepmum, unhappy, unreasonable

Current Mood:

I hate him!!

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